Frustrations
by it makes sense in context
Summary: It's been a month, and they are only just beginning to cope. Post season 13.


It was becoming a habit for her. Sitting alone in the dining hall peeling labels off of old bottles. You were supposed to do it for recycling anyway she had reasoned. She was simply being productive

"Frustrated, Carolina?" Tucker sat in the spot opposite the woman.

"Huh?" Carolina looked up from her hands. "I'm fine." she peeled the label a little further off the bottle. "Just a little tired."

"Yeah well if you slept instead of pacing the goddamn halls all night then maybe you wouldn't be." Wash sat down on Tuckers left side.

"And if you slept then you wouldn't be able to hear me." Carolina countered. "I'm fine." She gave the label one last tug and it came off. "Pass me another bottle."

Without speaking Wash grabbed another bottle from the stack on the table and passed it to her.

"Yeah, you're so fine. Which is why our recycling has been done perfectly for the last goddamn month." Tucker muttered as he grabbed a bottle for himself, fingers angrily scrabbling at the label. "Just fucking perfect. Nothing major fucking happened."

"Tucker -" Wash's warning was cut off.

"Are you looking for a fight?" Anger seeped into Carolina's voice. "Because I'm so sorry that I didn't spend two weeks moping like _some people._ "

"Guys can we not-"

"Oh and you!" Carolina turned on Wash. "You had no fucking reaction! Tucker comes out of that fucking ship and has to explain that Epsilon, that Church saved us all and you stood there like a rock!"

"Well I'm sorry that it's a little hard for me to feel sorry about the passing of somebody who literally destroyed my mind!" Wash was standing now, and yelling. "I'm sorry that you two lost someone dear to you! But for the love of god could you stop expecting me to be as upset as the pair or you! Do you know what it's been like the past month? I've got you -" Wash pointed at Carolina. "Being hostile, moody, irritable, and acting so above it all. Saying that you're fine when everyone knows you aren't. You-" Wash pointed at Tucker. "Aren't much better. First you moped for two weeks, which yeah, I get. Church was your best friend. But then you're _smiling_ and pretending nothing happened. And you're antagonising her." Wash jabbed a finger at Carolina. "And on top of the pair of you, I've got Caboose." Wash's voice had risen to a squeak at this point. "Who by the way, because I know neither of you have noticed, is taking this whole ordeal terribly. And the two people who probably even kind of know what he's going through, are fucking ignoring him." Wash took a deep breath. "And I should probably go find him because he's been hanging out with the fragments a lot lately and I'm worried about Sigma's influence. When did I become the parent around here, I'm the fucking youngest!" Wash headed to towards the door. "You two need to sort your goddamn shit out, because I'm real sick of dealing with the pair of you."

There was silence for a whole minute after that.

"Do you -?

"No." Carolina stood up. "We are not discussing this."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tucker slowly peeled a label off a bottle. "Ugh low alcohol beer who is buying this stuff?" He shook his head. "Cause it's okay to not be okay. We lost Church. I lost my best friend again, and you lost the last remnants of your family." Tucker had to take his glasses off to wipe at the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "Fuck, I thought I was past this bit."

"No." Carolina sat down. "I mean yes. I mean fuck. I don't know. I want to be okay. I should be okay. He died a hero's death. He died on his own terms not like so many others." Carolina took a deep breath. "I don't know how I feel Tucker. I miss him. He was in my head for so long, he's a computer program. I feel like I shouldn't be sad about this. But I am and it pisses me off. He hurt Wash, he didn't want to hurt wash. Fuck." Carolina swiped at her eyes, glaring at her fingers when they came way wet. "I just want things to go back to normal again. I want Church back and wise cracking and fuck."

"That's not gonna happen Carolina." Tucker picked up another bottle, methodically peeling the label. "I can see why people do this, it's soothing. I miss him too. I miss Church. I miss talking to my best friend in a fucking canyon and taking shots at the Reds when we got bored. I miss Church being alive and being an asshole to the world. I miss it when life was easy, and I guess I associate that with Church." Tucker hurled a plastic bottle at the wall. "And it's not fair, and I hate that. Neither of us are okay Carolina. We're hurting cause we lost our friend. We're hurting ourselves cause we won't talk it out. We're hurting Wash because we're putting everything on him. We're hurting Caboose because we should be there for him. We're hurting each other." Tucker ran a hand over his face. "You know, you would think I would be better at this by now."

"I lost most of my team, and my entire family. If anyone should be able to deal with grief by now it should be me." Carolina let the tears fall down the end of her nose, landing on the table. "I mean, it only dictates my entire life."

"It only dictates your life if you let it." Tucker place the bottle he was turning over in his hands on the table.

"Sure."

"I'm serious. If we keep dwelling on what happened it will only get worse." Tucker reached across the table to rub Carolina's hand. "I don't think Church would want us to dwell on what happened. He died. To save us. And we lived. I think if he saw us moping he would be pretty pissed."

"He'd say something about silly human emotions." Carolina cracked a smile. "And then he'd say he was out of here."

"I think Wash is right though. I've barely thought about Caboose. I hope he's okay."

"Wash said he was hanging out with the Fragments. You know Delta, and Theta is sweet." Carolina mused.

"Yeah but Gamma and Omega are there too. Omega really did a number on Caboose back in Blood Gulch." A look of concern settled across Tuckers face as he put his glasses back on. "Do you think you're up to visiting the Fragments?"

"We have to do it some time. It's been a while since I saw Eta and Iota. I have a lot to apologise to them for."

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Thanks for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated!


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